Oh boy….. Oh nelly….. holy smokes… WTH?
When that elevator door opened we expected the pearly gates of girl heaven, complete with all the plushness, white marble and crystal that we'd dreamed of but what we got was the Nutty Professor and that may be an understatement.
The elevator doors opened to a dark, slightly outdated and oddly cold space with no front desk staff to greet us. After a few minutes someone frantically arrived at the front desk babbling something about how she isn't front desk staff, everyone called off sick and she doesn't know where any forms are and what are we here for anyway. Whoa! Once we were "located" we were ushered off to our own private rooms and asked "hot or cold" along the way by the non front desk person, who later turns into our…notice I said "our" therapist as in singular therapist. I asked what she meant because I wasn't understanding and the response was "one side of the building is warmer than the other." With that we both said warm and were ushered to our rooms.
Warm was an understatement. Sauna would have been more appropriate. I was told to leave my pants on but take off my top and put the robe laying on the bed on. The robe was tattered and looked like something an extra in Michael Jackson's Thriller would be wearing. Not to mention it was long sleeve and I was already burning up in my tank top. I did as I was ordered and then I sat there and waited. And waited. And waited. And waited… Finally I texted my friend to see if she was alive. After confirming she was, I asked if anyone had been back to see her and she said "no." It was over 25 minutes since we had been thrown into our sweat chambers, but at least mine didn't have ants crawling along the window, plant and floor like my friends did. I checked the door just to make sure it wasn't locked and this wasn't some assassination attempt.
Finally the same woman who stuck us in these rooms came in and said she was going to "start my facial." She cleansed me and put the steamer on me but what I didn't realize is that she then left. I didn't know that she was gone until the steamer ran out of steam and I was left sweating like a wrestler trying to cut weight for a weigh in… I was alone with not a soul in sight. So now, I'm mad and I text my friend and she doesn't answer so I figure someone must be doing her facial now… I was right…it was the same woman who had started mine.
"Sorry, sorry, sorry," she said as she rushed back in. "Short staff today, everyone is sick." I felt bad for a second before shooting her a look that said "let's get this ball rolling or I'm out." I was seriously tired of the bullshit. With that, the next phase of my facial started. She approached me and then placed a plastic bowl (crooked) on my face and said "this is is your oxygen treatment." Oxygen began to blow up my nose. After a few minutes of this, I opened my eyes only to realize that she has disappeared yet again.
And then, after another wait, Sonya herself appeared, sans clown outfit, like a whirlwind. I didn't realize it was her at first - until she started bragging about "her client, Gwyneth." I wondered if "Gwyneth" was put through through the same paces. She nervously moved towards me, rubbed some stuff on my face, told me I had sun damage (but that I have great skin), tried to talk me into a diamond peel, tried to sell me product, told me repeatedly how lucky I was to get her today because she doesn't touch anyone for under $5,000 and then left. Just like that. Then the other woman returned. She performed a quick neck and shoulder massage and told me I was done and she "hoped I enjoyed it." I was utterly confused at that point.
Had I just survived a hurricane? Because that's how it felt. I looked at my phone because I wanted to text my friend to see if she was done yet. I was shocked when I saw the time. We were told to allot two hours for the facial so that we had 15 minutes on the front and back end of the treatment. It turns out that our actual treatment time was only 1/2 of the 90 minutes we were told it would take. I had spent nearly $1k for a facial and oxygen treatment, but was left pissed off thinking the whole thing was ridiculous.
I got dressed and located my friend. We swapped identical stories and decided we couldn't wait to escape. We headed to the front desk, which was still vacant. I imagined that it was because we would eventually leave without paying if no one showed up, Sonya herself re-appeared. This time, with loads of product to sell us. Then her Energizer Bunny sales routine kicked in. Buy, buy, buy. Finally, we gave in - just to get the hell out of there - and bought something. My friend admitted she didn't even know what she purchased, she just bought something to put it to an end. But it didn't end.
She started babbling about how she wants to keep us for life and the "real money" is in us being repeat clients. She said she felt bad about today and that's why she stepped in because as you know "she doesn't touch anyone for under $5,000." Before I even had a moment to think of a wisecrack, she started yelling at an employee and then, almost immediately, turned to us and said "I love you girls, give me a hug." Wait. Was this happening? Yes, yes it was. It wouldn't end.
I became confused much like I imagine a person dehydrated and stranded in the desert. I began to think that maybe this wasn't all crazy, but somehow bizarrely charming. And that's the moment when Sonya finally realized how bad the experience had been. She asked "Where are you girls going next?" with genuine sincerity - no sales bullshit. "Lunch," we replied and pushed the elevator button repeatedly, still trying to make our escape. "I want to make up for today, can you girls come back after lunch for a treatment on me? You're gonna love it." "Sure" we said and agreed to be back around 3p. In all candor, if we hadn't been writing this review, we likely would never have returned. But we were, so we decided to return - maybe offering her possible redemption.
Round 2 at 3p was basically a repeat of the original episode except that Sonya was a little warmer and charming and it didn't boast the previous $1k price tag. The sales shtick was also suppressed. We both agreed that we weren't sure what to make of her, or how to write the review. Part of us liked her, while another part didn't.
Despite the carnival like surroundings, we cannot deny that our skin looked great. Will the results from the $1k price tag last? It's too soon to tell. In terms of customer service, it was an F. But she gets at A for effort in trying win us back after she realized we were on a hell ride and she wanted to make it right.
For skin results, Sonya Dakar is Girls Gone Spa approved but on all other levels we will leave it at it being a work in progress. It's up to you wether or not you toss down your hard earned cash monies on services there, we say just keep your plushness and customer service expectations in check. And Sonya, lose the name dropping, we all know who frequents your spa.
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